A STRANGE SHIRT I put on a nice fresh Hawaiian shirt to wear to lunch and a doctor’s appointment afterwards. The day progressed nicely, except it was with some annoyance that I noticed for the first time that this particular shirt had no pocket. No place to put my driving glasses while I wore the close-ups. At the end of the day Wifey said “That’s odd – your shirt’s label is showing on the outside.” Then she had a good laugh as I took it off. I said “You’re right. So that’s why the pocket on the front was missing.” I had the damn thing on inside out. Reyn-Spooner Hawaiian shirts are put together inside out in imitation of a Hawaiian surfer habit years ago. I blamed her for laundering it that way. She blamed me for pulling it off over my head instead of unbuttoning it like a normal person. You be the judge. --John WHAT DAY IS IT? This morning I had to go get an International Driver's license at AAA. When I filled out the form, the young lady nicely informed me that this was 2010, not 2009 as I indicated on the form. Pretty late in the year to realize that, don't you think? Then when I talked to my friend to see if he was still set to take me to the airport Tuesday, he said. "What! I thought you were leaving Wednesday! I can't do it tomorrow." Of course not. I'm not leaving Tuesday; it's Wednesday morn. SO, I not only don’t know what year it is, but I don't know what DAY it is! Help! --Royce
SOMETIMES YOU WONDER. . . Why do I do things like this? Like cleaning the kitchen counter by tossing a piece of ginger root into a utensils drawer. At least I was surprised but pleased to find it as I closed the drawer. OH, THAT MS. SCHNEIDER John went to a party to celebrate a local celebrity’s 80th birthday and was introduced to “Helene Schneider.” The name rang a bell and he asked, “Oh yes, you write quite a lot for the local papers, don’t you?” His wife quickly whispered, “She’s the new mayor. You voted for her.” Oh. . . No wonder Ms. Schneider was looking oddly at me. AND THEY’RE ONLY IN THEIR 50s! One of John’s young’uns writes -- I just had an exchange with Paul Sr. that was reminiscent of conversations with you. I was by the back door and I asked the dogs, "Do you have to go potty?" From the living room, I hear "Yes..” So I asked Paul "Yes, what?" He says " Yes, I'll have some pie." I say “We don't have any pie!" "Yes we do,” he says, “I bought some. Sinna fridge." So I cut him a slice and deliver it, saying, "Here's your pie." He says, "I don't know yet. I'll let you know when I'm through." “I gave up at that point.” CRYING OVER SPILLED COFFEE I (name omitted to save embarrassment) was guilty of multi-tasking, sort of -– a dangerous game for senior citizens. I was deep in thought about death and dying after talking to a friend about this (he’s an open-everything heart surgery survivor) when I decided to make another cuppa coffee. The water was soon ready so I put the paper filter in the plastic filter holder and put a scoop of coffee in the filter. Poured in some hot water. Then I watched for a moment, surprised to see the coffee running out from below the filter holder and spreading on the counter next to the stove. I had forgotten to put the filter holder in a mug. DAMN! I have mixed feelings about this, and they’re all bad. Nothing to be done, I guess, except to continue trying to FOCUS! DO ONE THING AT A TIME AND DO IT RIGHT! FOR PEET’S SAKE! Stopped into Peet's on Milpas Street for coffee on the way home from my 2nd tennis wall practice (the new knee worked great!) . Wanted a lid but couldn't figure out how to open the plastic lid to get a slurp hole. Apologetically took it to the counter girl, who assured me that lots of people couldn't figure it out. I blamed having the wrong glasses on. All I could see was the word "HOT." She showed me how to pull up the tab and pin it back in case I wanted a refill. I wouldn’t be wanting a refill, so at the sugar table I pulled the tab off -- and threw the rest of the lid in the trash, leaving me to stare down at the useless little tab in my hand, and no lid. (A classic Geezer Moment stunt). Hoping she wasn't looking, I took another lid and ripped off the tab, leaving a hole that was too large and that would probably cause the coffee to burn my lips. Threw that lid away on purpose and left, walking smoothly to avoid spillage, finally decided to slop a little out on the asphalt so as not to burn my right leg while driving. That still left me 80% of a cuppa Peet's, so I was happy. Finally. Got home without further mishap. “Life is hard. Then you die.” Mcc THE COLD, THE CRUEL COLD Letter from a friend: In Mammoth Lakes, it was icy and snowing like snow should snow. After arriving at our condo I carefully carried things from the car to the door with no mishap. I kept the motor running to keep the car warm and the windshield wipers in front and back waving to keep the snow from collecting and keeping the inside of the car from being too dark to see on the floors. Once I finished carrying everything in, I dutifully locked the car. With the keys in it. And the motor running. Dark falling. Madness setting in. Tired from having driven all the way from Death Valley. After I finished telling myself what an idiot I was (with no argument back, by the way), I discovered the passenger window was down a tiny bit. Flood of hopeful relief! A half hour later, thanks to a bent coat hanger and a fellow who took pity on the freezing old man breaking into a car and helped, we popped the lock. “Life is hard,” and sometimes you die a little before it’s over. ONE OF ‘THOSE’ DAYS My day started off all wrong. Got up too early and, craving coffee, found that I was out of filters and hadn't noticed that yesterday. Temporary solution: dig a used filter out of the garbage. I did so and used it twice. I was happily writing a note to spousie when Cox Comms., the (^&*)$(, shut me off in mid-sentence. Computer came back on and I tried again, but the "send" basket didn't show anything as having been sent. I gave up and went for my morning lap swim, and then bought some filters. I told the checker what had happened. The checker asked pityingly, didn't I have any paper towels for filtering the coffee? Oh. Duh. Of course, I could have done that. . . Next time. . . Mulling this over while I did some dishes I wondered what idiot was out there somewhere using a buzz saw or some such this early in the day. A distant growling sound. Then Sharon's voice from the next room: "PLEASE TURN OFF THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL!" Oh. (Ever notice how often senior citizens say that word?) So THAT was the buzzing sound. While I pondered the sadness of this world, I heard her voice again as she passed through the kitchen: "I JUST TURNED OFF YOUR COFFEE WATER." "Huh?" I hadn't heard it boiling. I asked, "You heard it bubbling?" "I HEARD IT WHISTLING!" All together now: "Oh. . ." She: maybe you should wear your hearing aids while doing the dishes? He: Nah. Then I’d just drop one in the soapy water. Remember how much those puppies cost. (I had lost the first pair, I think by inadvertently –- what else -- sweeping them into the garbage can beside my desk, and then later emptying the can, being a tidy sort.) Life goes on, in its weird way. And there’ll always be senior moments to think about. Or not. Did I remember to say “So long”?
